Just How Bad It Was

  • I would shake, tremble, and quake with fear. Hate for myself. Worry. Defeat. And Self Loss
  • I would stay awake for hours reenacting each moment and the burn in my throat from not saying a word.
  • I would sit on the roof and pray to who ever would listen
  • Then I would give up my prayers determined I didn’t deserve help.
  • I would have to force my meals down, because puking came too easy.
  • I completely changed my route in town, and at school. To avoid him.
  • I would turn the shower on as hot as it could get sitting on the floor. Crying.
  • I would swim to the middle of the lake, begging anyone and something to make it easier.

Except now I wonder how much of that has  changed or how much of me has changed. How to I explain to people, just how bad bad was? Imagine the worst, and then throwing a hopeless cause in the middle of it. That. Was me.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Memories

One response to “Just How Bad It Was

  1. It happened to me as well.
    It has happened to oh so many of us.
    My question is why?

    Yes, this happened to you. But not to the ‘real you.’
    The real you is untouched.
    Reach deep inside you and you will see it is true.
    And, if you cannot reach deep inside, reach out.
    There is another equally devastated, perhaps by something, someone else, standing beside you.
    They need you.
    They need to know they are not alone.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s