I’ve got to get through this

That’s how I’ve lived my life for quite a while. “I just gotta get through this.” I’ve got to make it through the Steve situation. I’ve got to make it through being on a college team. I’ve got to get through my first year at school. Have to make it through high school. Have to make it through heartbreaks, nightmares, shakes, episodes, and emotions.

How much of my life did I not live and just “get through?” Perhaps that is my biggest problem right now. I can’t just “get through” something, because I have nothing to “get through” I’ve already been wading knee deep in my past, and I “got through” that really well. I found someone who treats me really good, I fell in love with my college, I quit my team, I found myself.

I have nothing to get through. I’m just living now. Maybe that’s my problem, when’s the last time I didn’t have some epic moment of passion getting me through things and keep going!? When is the last time that things were good and that I just sat back and enjoyed them? Damn have I really been living my life full speed trying to miss as much as I can and breeze through the worst of it for this long?

No wonder this slow paced, east movement of life startles me a bit. This is how it’s suppose to be. More bad things will come, but I need to learn how to enjoy the good things for what they are. Good.

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