Last night. But you see. I slept like a rock, next to him. I fell asleep sometime around one and did not wake up until I felt his lips on me. I slept like a rock. To the point of you remember going to bed and the warmth of him next to me, and in the morning he still remained close and right where I closed me eyes. Safe.
I’ve tried to sleep there a few times and it’s really hard. I don’t mean to but everytime he moves his hands part of me wants to watch his amazement with me, and the other part has to monitor everything. Last night though, all of that shut down and I let him reach for me when he wanted to, and likewise he was only a short distance from my own reach, but I slept. Like a rock.
I throw a lot of trust in NewGuy. Makes it a whole lot scarier, but I can’t not throw trust in him. I cannot half trust you to respect me. I have to just throw trust out there and cannot punish him for another who took that trust away. It feels, nice. To trust him. It feels fantastic to have him care for me so much.
Except it’s scary as hell. Giving that much power to one man, is insane. Its scary that I haven’t given someone this must trust in years. Years. That’s sad. Except maybe this is the way it was suppose to work. Maybe its one of those things that just works out.