My heart

beats in my throat. Twice now I’ve slept in the bed with another person. Closing my eyes and trusting him completely. He reaches over for my hand, he stretches for my shoulder and holds me. He doesn’t even need to, my shakes subsided days ago, but he still holds me. Because he wants to, not to stop my shaking, or stop my fears, because he wants to. Wants to take care of me.

NewGuy has been around for about two weeks now. Walking me home past dark, smiling at me from across the room. He makes my heart fly with the fact that he knows. He knows I even used the m word when I told him. He knows. And he still does all of these things.

My favorite is perhaps while we were working at one of his friends apartments on a computer.
ME: Ya well you forgot to call me after your practice. You had a measly few hours to remember and I was forgotten.
NewGuy: *Pops his head from around the corner* “Update you’re all I thought about at practice”
and as soon as he was there he’s gone and he leaves me smiling knowing I believe him.

I wake up next to him, knowing he’s been awake for a while waiting for me. Looking at him I can see him smiling at me. I can’t stop my face from smiling at thinking This is happy. I’m happy. Then I lean into his hand and pull it closer to me wanting to believe it all.

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