Well this is different

There are moments that stir up every reaction I have left for this Steve situation. When I see him. When I go home to my room. When I talk about it. (Okay I swear these things aren’t very often) Or when I get the shakes. Except for now.

When I’m around NewGuy. I start to worry. About…

How to tell him “oh just so you know I was sorta used and abused in high school.”

How to tell him that I’m on bad relationship away from a lot of cats

That I want to reach out and touch him, love him, but everything inside me has been caged for so long.

So you see there are a lot of new worries here. We are at that odd dating sorta not official, walk me home, part of this thing. Except this would be the part where any confident women would grab him by the collar and kiss him already. Any confident women, except me. I’m just trying to let things take their course and having a few “shoulda woulda coulda” moments. I want to lean in and kiss him when he types. I want to reach for him when he’s far away. I want him to hold me.

I guess this is the new adventure, so who knows maybe I’ll blog more. Life is really good right now for me. It’s just the past coming to bite the present that I worry about. I think it’ll all work out though.


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