Those you’ve known and lost

Still walk behind you. Today I miss my grandma. Today I am a bit bitter that I lost my chance to really grieve over my grandma. today I’m sad. Sad.

My grandma use to have the Irish blessing infront of her cottage bedroom door. It now sits on a small note card by my desk. “Those you’ve known and lost still walk behind you” sticks only a few inches above it. Even still I can look at the picture of us from one of the last nights I spent with her and her wild hair and her happy smile. I can whisper to myself, hug her a little harder. Hold on.

My graduation was super hard because my grandma was really big on everyone’s life acomplishments telling you how good you did, how proud she was of you, or just plain being nosey. She wanted to know it all. My cap read, “She is proud.” with a large picture of my grandma. She looked down and saw my cap, knowing it was me. She was proud…

Now I wish I could tell my grandma all the things I’ve been doing. Working my ass for. She’d be proud. She’d want to know, even if it was for nosey’s sake. Id’ tell her that I went on a Service trip. I’d tell her about all the relationships I made with people who I was there. I’d tell her how much I miss summer right now. I’d tell her how I’m so worried I’m goign to mess up her spaggetti recipe. I’d tell her how much I’ve been writing and I’d let her read a little piece of it. I’d hug her super super hard. *Tears start to fall down my face.* She’d tell me to stop and wipe them from my face, and I’d whisper, I miss you. I miss you so much. She’d hug me again and I’d smell a mix between cedar, cigarettes, vodka, strong hairspray, and dinner. She’d pull my hair away from my face and look at me with that damn smile she use to always give me, the one that says “That’s my grand-baby” She wouldn’t even have to say a word and I’d let out a small smile.

It’s amazing how much I still miss her. She’s with my everywhere, but today I just miss her.

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3 Comments

Filed under Life, Memories

3 responses to “Those you’ve known and lost

  1. Sounds like you had an incredible and close relationship. You’re lucky to have had a woman like that in your life. That Irish saying is beautiful, I really like it – and it’s true. My dad is still with me every day, telling me he’s proud of me, laughing with me, sometimes even scolding a bit. We need to remember the people we’ve lost and keep them with us.

  2. Your grandmother must’ve been an amazing lady.

    That got me all teary. It’s beautiful.

    I miss my dad very much and you’ve just reminded me of all the things I’d have to tell him.

    And the irish saying is indeed beautiful.

  3. Your grandma reminds me of my own. Thanks for sharing.

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