There’s something to be said

When we don’t say anything at all. My silence. My silence that is ever growing, ever taking over. Somedays I want to scream. I want to sing on the top of my lungs. I want to throw temper tantrums and voice my opinion. I want to say things like “Screw this I’m out of here.” Instead I either think of better thoughts, better times and I stay. Or I simply sneak out the back and hope no one sees me. Is it my biggest want to be invisable?? Am I desperate to slink in and fit in, you know finally fit in.

I want someone, to love. (Note: Not need) I want someone who can pull back my hair and say “You’re beautiful.” I’ll cry a little with my own insides screaming that it’s all a lie. Perhaps my exceptance is what I want more than anything, because so much of my problems is my own feelings about myself. Every morning I stand infront of my mirror and I have to find that one thing about me that makes me something worth looking at. A lot of times it’s crowded by all the negative comments I find while looking for that one good thing, but everyday I do.

I wish I was just one of those people that screamed. Even if it was “I am soo drunk” or my body screamed “hottie” or even if I screamed “importance” or “amazing” Instead I think the only thing my body has left is a whisper that says “alive.” I can note my own strength in the ever continuing days. I can note my own beauty in break down. I can note my own creativity with the way I see the world. I’m just wondering if anyone else will ever look with me.

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3 Comments

Filed under Life, Uncategorized

3 responses to “There’s something to be said

  1. You are an amazing writer with much to say. This is a very poignant post. I will be reading.

  2. Were you never one of those people that “screamed”? Or are you just talkin’ bout the present?
    Being one of those people is an achievable thing. You just have to regain yourself first so you can then push yourself to what you know you want to be.

    That’s not easy, but I believe it can be done. And I surely believe you can do it.

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