Am I Picky or Untrusting?

I have this test, it’s sorta the big how I pick a guy. Or has been for the past year and a half. Which might explain why I’ve been single for the year and a half… anyway! I don’t think it’s that difficult but I’m starting to wonder am I really picky or am I just looking for reasons not to date guys? Well let’s start the test goes something like this..

First looks–
Can you carry me if I chose to get belligerently drunk? Would you be able to let me lay on you’re arm with out saying “Baby you just broke my twig size arm? Would you be able to defend me if NewGuy became even more touchy-feely or would you be on the losing end of that? * (Foot note- I do not get belligerently drunk, and I most definitely can handle myself, but you know these things would be really nice)

Personality–
Am I going to need to mend all of your broken wounds while hiding mine to keep you sane (ie do you have self confidence and are you relitively independent?) Do you believe in the common good of people? Would you be willing to love something broken (… dirty, used, or abandoned?) Do you have patience with me (and my constant shakes, nightmares, and at times insomnia). Would you let me live freely (or would you cage me tightly).

Deal Breakers–
Already Taken. Angry Drunk. Alcoholic. Racist. Clingy as all eff. Drives a Hummer.

Exception– I’m a sucker for a guy with an infinate flaw. If you are perfect, I will leave you just as fast as if you said “I’m an angry drunk who thinks not only should I have a beer every morning at eight but I should run over all black people with my Hummer.” Well I would leave right after I kicked them repeatedly in the go-nads therefore refusing them to have children. I want a guy with a story to them something that makes them a little bit like me. A little broken.

So that’s the test, and as of now few have made it all the way through personality. I can’t help but wonder.. am I not giving guys a fair chance? Am I purposly looking for the bad qualities so I can save my heart a little bit?

Why can’t you just let me live? I mean really live– I’m going to have to run through the rain, and cry with the first storm. I want to feel the cold window pane and shiver a little. I need you to let me be, let me love, let me feel, and let me hurt at times. I wonder if the man I am looking for can never be fulfilled? I wonder if you fail the test, should I still give you a try–or should I keep looking for some non-D bag.

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4 Comments

Filed under Life, Questions, Thoughts

4 responses to “Am I Picky or Untrusting?

  1. I think your criteria is not at all as severe as you think it is. Of course you want someone who physically pleases you – i.e. someone who’s larger than you and could carry you. Of course you want someone whose personality is compatible. Of course you want someone with a flaw, because perfect people are boring as hell.
    You will find a guy like this, who fits you. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but there are many guys like this out there, and you’ll find the best for you!

  2. Sam

    I love the way you write and the way you think. And you are not being too picky – you will find someone. I promise. And he’ll be worth the wait.

  3. I agree with the previous. Picky or not. We all know, deep inside, that we deserves to be loved as we are. You may feel broken now but it is only a matter of time. And trust. *hugs*

  4. adriannablu

    Neither picky nor untrusting.
    Sounds like some solid criteria. Why mess around with anything less than what you want? I’ve done it before. But never again.
    🙂
    Stay strong in that.

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