In a sense it is my own curse. I can go hours replaying every little detail in my dreams. I have to convince myself it was just a dream. I have to look up calendars and prove that there simply wasn’t enough time in my life to have that happen. My dreams though, they keep me awake at times. They keep me tossing and turning. His face runs through as fast as a kid plays with a kilidascope. There it is, mishapen, There it is again, a glitter of hope, There it is again. I wonder how long until my dreams are filled with Prince charming instead of my turmoils. I wonder when I can fall asleep in the arms of another with out waking up in shakes. Do you know how embaressing that is!? How to do you explain that to someone?! “Nightmares?” I sound like a seven year old.
My dreams capture all of my fears. I can see him crying for me to come back. I can see each tear roll down his cheek and I can feel the pull at my heart to comfort him. I can see the same episodes, the car, the movie theatre, the couches, all the many places I lost who I was. My pain pulses through my body until I jolt myself awake at three in the morning gasping for air. I wonder when I’ll stop living in my nightmares and start looking forward to dreams.