So It Starts..

Square one. I’m not sure where to start and the beginning seems to be too far away. Let me starts first with who I am. I am a college student at a small University and am going to keep my name out of this as possible. Not only that, but I will change the names of the other people affected by my story. I am normally seen as I “tough” woman and have biceps the size of the average person’s calf. Not that I am over weight, just muscular. It’s who I am tough, intimidating, and at times scary. Not that I ever meant to be these things, it just sort of happened. I was always an athlete, doing sports and staying in shape, and if I do say so myself–I was pretty good. I still lift weights when the gym is surrounded by males, and I can still hold my endurance more than the average person.

I was raised in a Catholic family. Every Sunday I was dragged off to church come hell, high water, snow drifts, or power outages, we were there. I was also enrolled in “Sunday School” since I could remember, and went through all the steps, first holy comunion, confirmation, ect. I was pretty active in my faith and found it necessary to prove to my parents that I could be just as active as they are. (I did mention I was competitive no?) However important my relationship with god was, it was my relationship (I’ll repeat myself) it was my relationship with god. Because I had one does not mean the rest of the world needed one and I found no need to “convert the sinners” my philosophy was and has been “If your happy and doing well by the world then there is no problem”.

In high school I had an excellent group of friends. I was a well grounded kid. My best friend and I were always there for each other and we’d been through all the normal girl drama, boy obsession, mixed with a hint of prom-contagious-dress-shopping. I had normally surrounded myself with guy friends they reminded me of my brother, tough, funny, and at times disgusting. Still I fit pretty well with them laughed hard at the jokes I should be disgusted and disapproved continuously of their ten cent ho-bag girlfriends they would find, but that was my job I was their main girl in a sense. All of them would have beaten a kid down at the drop of a hat, they’d have my back in a fight, and hug me when I looked sad. It was a two way street though, I would offer relationship advice, calm them down after a fight with each other, make them countless amounts of food, and finally I loved them all unconditionally–They could do no wrong in my eyes.

I grew up with a large family. I have a massive amount of cousins (massive) and I have a connection to many of them. I know they two would be there for me in an instant. I have a brother and sister, both older than I and both being extremely successful in their own life. Also my parents have been happily happily married for almost twenty-five years now and could make even Romeo and Juliet jealous. We grew up listening to them say things like “I hope you guys find someone who makes you as happy as your mom makes me.” It’s cute, but they joke not–They complete each other.

Not only was I in sports and come from a well grounded family, but I got good grades. Made the Honors society my senior year and graduated pretty comfortably. I was one of those freak people where it just made sense to me. Math. English. Science. It all just made sense, the only thing I didn’t like was the work. I was your average procrastinator and because of that my grades became only average. I didn’t mind average though, average got me in college after all.

What does all of this mean to you? Why is it you care about my background? Well I’m trying to prove to you I’m pretty “normal” nothing really out of the picture there right? Let me finish with my final comment, and join me on my journey to recovery, self discovery, and eventually the healing of a century.

I was molested in high school.

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